Captain Obvious
by Meegs82
Summary: How long can Agent Perotta take Booth and Brennan's bickering before she goes insane? Fun little one-shot. Booth, Brennan, Perotta.


**CAPTAIN OBVIOUS**

"I can do it myself, Bones," Booth insisted as he tried to stuff his left arm into the sleeve of his suit jacket.

"Booth, you'll re-injure your back if you don't stop moving," Brennan replied, attempting to hold on to the sleeve of the jacket as Booth spun away from her. "Ha!" Booth shouted triumphantly, a giant grin on his face as he reached for his jacket sleeve.

Brennan rolled her eyes and jolted forward, succeeding in latching onto his sleeve as well as his collar.

"Bones, come on!" Booth groaned through partially gritted teeth as he turned a circle and nearly knocked a stack of files off of Brennan's desk.

Brennan grasped his collar with her left hand and tried to brace against him in order to stop him from turning. It didn't work.

"Just stand still and let me do it," Brennan said as she braced tighter against him.

Booth rolled his eyes and his head and just as he opened his mouth to speak,

"Am I interrupting….again?" Agent Payton Perotta said with a smirk as she took in the sight in front of her: Brennan behind Booth, her arms around his midsection, Booth's jacket half off, and a contorted look upon his face.

Booth and Brennan's heads simultaneously turned in Perotta's direction. Booth's reaction spelled relief, Brennan's confusion. Then they looked at each other and realizing their close proximity and the general disarray of Booth's clothing, they broke apart, their eyes wandering for a spot to fixate. Brennan's found Perotta.

"Agent Perotta, what are you doing here?" Brennan inquired, her tone brisk.

Perotta smirked yet again before addressing Brennan's question.

"We have a case. Agent Booth, you aren't supposed to be back until tomorrow," Perotta replied, a quizzical look on her face.

"That's what *I* told him, but he insisted on coming in," Brennan replied, shooting Booth a long, drawn out glare.

Booth smiled faintly as he looked from Brennan to Perotta.

"Look, I'm fine. I needed to get out of my apartment and work is the perfect solution," Booth replied.

"You should have waited another day," Brennan replied, crossing her arms as she shook her head at Booth's unbelievable disregard for his own health.

"I was bored and alone and I felt more needed here," Booth replied with a bit of a whimper, aiming a small charm smile in Brennan's direction as his bottom lip sagged ever so slightly.

"And no one thought to call me," Perotta said to the bickering duo, her tone dripping with annoyance as she felt it completely unnecessary for her to be there. She could have been at yoga.

"Isn't that the bureau's job?" Brennan asked her.

"Well, since Agent Booth IS the bureau, that would kind of be…HIS job," Perotta replied, smirking…again.

"You can't blame it on him; he's been on painkillers for a week. Vicodin impedes the electrical conductivity of the nerve channels within the brain. He'll probably feel the effects for at least another few days. It's entirely logical that he wouldn't think to call you," Brennan explained in the most genuine and reasonable fashion.

Perotta half frowned as she stared, bewilderingly at Brennan as she spoke. She had spent enough time with her to know that Dr. Brennan wasn't joking.

At the same time, Booth's lips turned upward into a sweet smile at the sound of her brainy explanation. His eyes lingered on her profile as a veil of dreaminess shrouded his face.

Perotta saw it.

"Right. Okay, then I-" but Perotta couldn't finish.

"In fact," Brennan began as she turned sharply to Booth, "you shouldn't even be driving!" she half-shouted as her eyes sent daggers through him.

Booth flinched and jerked his head, almost involuntarily, at her sudden outburst.

"You drove, didn't you? Didn't you?" Brennan interrogated, widening her eyes as far as she could without suffering a hemorrhage.

"Geez, Bones, will you chill out?" Booth replied, leaning his head back as he grimaced.

"No, I will not 'chill out.' You should not be driving, you should be at home, recovering. Have you been using the back pillow I brought you?" Brennan asked in an accusatory manner.

Booth rolled his head to the side and sighed.

"Bones, a mushy pillow isn't going to do me any good. Now, your magic knuckles, they did some good," Booth said, raising his eyebrows and chuckling at the words "magic knuckles."

Perotta stood, slack-jawed, a quirky and knowing smile glued to her face. She could not believe the complete lack of intuition that these two possessed.

Brennan nearly rolled her eyes.

"The back pillow is made specifically to support the lower lumbar. It will help. You're just too stubborn to use it," Brennan replied with a "so there" jab of her chin.

"Bones, I appreciate the thought, but I'm fine. Magic knuckles did the trick and I'm perfectly…fabulously…fine," Booth said, slowing his speech, smiling, and stepping towards Brennan as he spoke.

Brennan looked up into his eyes, which were hovering over her. Her gaze softened as he came closer. It was as though his voice had had a soothing effect on her senses; her heart rate dropped and her breathing slowed. She managed a small smile.

Perotta shook her head and sniggered to herself. She was pretty sure they had forgotten she was in the room.

"Fine, but you're still not allowed to drive. Give me your keys," Brennan insisted.

"Bones, I'm-"

"Fine, I know. Give me your keys," Brennan repeated, holding out her hand.

"I can drive! I haven't had a Vicodin in…well, a while. You want me to pee in a cup to prove it?" Booth exclaimed as he turned from her and started to pace.

"That won't be necessary, your body is still filtering out the drugs," Brennan explained, her hand remaining outstretched in front of her.

"Why are you being so protective?" Booth asked, his face pinched in annoyance.

"That's it!" Perotta yelled as she flung her hands in the air.

Booth and Brennan snapped their heads over to her, having indeed forgotten that she was there.

Perotta walked to Booth, grabbed his arm, and pulled him towards Brennan. Booth was so stunned, he didn't have time to react. She talked as she moved.

"I hate to be Captain Obvious here, but…Dr. Brennan," she began as she looked Brennan straight in the eyes, "Agent Booth is in love with you."

Brennan's brow furrowed so deeply, her forehead almost caved in.

"Yeah. That's right. Hopelessly, passionately, and madly in love with you," Perotta continued.

Booth glanced at Brennan, then at Perotta, and then back at his arm, which Perotta was still grasping. His partial smile turned into a look of bewilderment as he attempted to open his mouth. Perotta didn't allow him to speak.

"And Booth, not only are YOU in love with Dr. Brennan, but Dr. Brennan loves you back," Perotta said, her eyes wide as she bobbed her head with each and every word.

Brennan's eyes fluttered as her brain attempted to comprehend what Perotta had just said.

"Agent Per-" but that was all she got out.

"You love him…he loves you," she said, looking at Brennan, whose mouth was now agape, "you love her…she loves you," she added as she looked to Booth. His jaw was half open as he glanced over at Brennan at the exact same moment she glanced at him. Both partners then glanced away, their eyes darting.

Perotta observed them for a moment and after gauging their reactions, she was satisfied.

She smiled. "There, now we're all on the same page. Now, if you'll excuse me, I have a yoga class," Perotta finished.

She freed Booth's arm, smiled broadly at both of them, whirled around, and strutted out of the office, leaving the partners with their jaws hanging, their eyes wide, and their hearts laid out on the table, exposed and free for them to do with as they wished.


End file.
